I write to be my true self

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Do you know persons who spend most of their time daydreaming than living, I am one of them. This addiction (If I may call it like that) made me loose a lot of my time, I couldn’t help it. Especially in my teenage years, for me if I couldn’t live my dreams I would dream my life, as simple as that.

Today, as an adult who has to face life, I am too busy to daydream, however, stories always pop into my mind and I end up imagining I am the heroin of my story, having better situations and ending up better too. Then, I had this urge for writing those stories,  not tell them, but to live them through my writing. I have never had the courage to write them and I have forgot moste of them today.

Sometimes I ask myself how did I end up like that?! While growing up I was confused about myself and who I was. I have passed different stages which makes me laugh and makes more sense to me today. Through my childhood years, I was always considered as a feminine girl: I wanted always to were skirts and the colour pink, but I was also very confident and bold, even if some other children made fun of me. Then teenage years came, and those years messed me up. I started soft by being a Backstreet boys fan and ended as a Linkin Park fan (I’m still fan of both groups today). I have discovered my courage  in those years, I did things and took risks that no one will recongnize me if I tell them today. However, it didn’t last long, I have loose it all through years,  prefered dreming than doing or experiencing things realy and became completely passive.

What I am trying to say is that the happiest years of my life were when the brave part of me was active. Today, I can recall it only when I write and it makes me feel good about myself. I can write about a protagonist who is very similar to me and other times I am so angry that my protagonist is so rebellious. Sometimes I am so in love that I can made the best love story ever! Words are for free so why don’t we enjoy using them for our benefits.

Now when I write my thoughts on a side or in my diary, it is my true self who speaks up. I have never published anything before this month, somehow life took something very precious from me, and to cope with my loss I decided that I will try EVERYTHING to do EVERYTHNG I want to do, no more waiting. So I am here to find my true self, to be my true self and most important to be free.

 

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